A look at the movers and shakers who make shape the A.D.M. into the world's greatest creatures' rights organization.

Reginald Dickwillow - Commander in Chief
Reginald Dickwillow has been a pioneering force in ultra-extreme animal justice since the age of 12, when he was expelled from Exeter Day School for the intentional projectile regurgitation of turkey tetrazini onto unsuspecting cafeteria staffers — several of whom where blinded by young Reginald's angry gastric juices. Prior to founding the Animal Defense Militia, Mr. Dickwillow directed southwestern U.S. operations for PETA, where he rose to national prominence after publishing his ground-breaking essay, "Why Deprive the Piggies? - Aborted Human Foetuses Can End the Porcine Famine." An ensuing media frenzy led PETA to dismiss Dickwillow over the essay, at which time he formed the ADM and began active recruitment of like-minded true activists. A graduate of Bard College's Comparative Veganism Program, Mr. Dickwillow is a regular lecturer at the National Center for Herbivore Semantics, and an occasional contributor to Tweed Lashings, the acclaimed journal of preppy auto-genitorture.

Janet Crumbfellow -- VP of Information Retrieval
Janet was recruited by the ADM in 1997, shortly after she gained notoriety for taking out a pampered fur-cunt's knee caps with a snub-nosed .357 Magnum. Noble Janet has quickly risen through the ADM ranks to her current role as VP of Information Retrieval. Since assuming this position, Janet has enjoyed sliding Tabasco-sauce soaked bamboo shoots under the fingernails of Popeye's Fried Chicken managers. "I like to make the meat eaters cry... cry because the pain won't stop." You're our little knee-slapper, Janet!

Buster Sweetbottom -- Senior Animal Handler
When not working hard as a Senior Animal Handler, Buster can usually be found having good times at ADM's private organic juice bar with his beloved goat, Jellybean. Buster has cared for hundreds of animals over the years, rehabilitating and nurturing all manner of creatures rescued by crack ADM Liberation Squads. To date, Buster's crowning achievement has been rehabilitating the entire gorilla cast of the movie CONGO, then training them to thirst for human blood. Says Buster, "I like to touch the monkeys. I like to pet them. Rub them and lick their bellies." Right on! Right on, Buster!

Gaylord Fud -- Secretary of Truth
The Soul of ADM, Gaylord was a meat temperature regulator for the USDA before he was convinced of ADM's moral superiority. Granted, it took six months and the removal of his upper lip to achieve this, but it was worth it. Gaylord spreads The Word to the infidels, frequently haunting the protest lines of PETA and attempting to educate them to the errors of their ways. Gaylord's most notable contribution to the cause was swallowing the goldfish of a well-known meat-sympathizer and vomiting the fish back up in an effort to rescue our scaled friend. Says Gaylord, "The only truth is the truth I beat into you."


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