SPRING BREAK WRAPUP

If there's one bummer about spring break, it's that it doesn't last all year long — so most dudes only have time to party down at one radical destination. Fortunately for you, FRAT BEAT sends correspondents to all FOUR of the most kickingest hot spots to score you the wrap-up scoop on what went down at this year's rockingest ultra-ragers!

Whit Anderson, Sophomore: Ft. Lauderdale
Rippin' phat party in Lauderdale this year, dudes! Me and eight bros from my house rolled down from Dartmouth in a rented Winnebago. Dude, we tossed our first drained pony keg out the back window while cruising down the Jersey Turnpike – and that shit bounced right through some old dude's windshield! Fucking RAD. I don't remember much after that, but it must have rocked, cuz when I woke up on the drive home, I had mad crusty pussy funk all over my fingers!
A.J. Thompson, Junior: Cancun
Cancun was as partying as ever! We showed up on Friday night, and totally had no problem scoring a sweet QP of ganja and a lid of blow from this squirrelly little Mexicali dude. Then after I funnelled 12 shots of Cuervo with Tabasco chasers, I was total Barfman and Robin on the beach all night. And when I woke up at noon, my eyelids were so sunfried, I couldn't even crack them and see how my bros had tattooed "FAGET" across my forehead. Those dawgs are mad jokesters, yo!
Skip Miller, Frosh: Tampa, FL
Tampa was the mega-rager of all turbo-ragers this year, bra! I mean, no joke, I chowed more bitch-sushi than a Sumo wrestler with the munchies! The only bummer was this manager dude at the Hojo's we were staying at. That freaker kept calling the pigs every time another crying naked chick stumbled out of our suite. That's why when we left, we totally dragged this nasty overflowing Port-O-Let in from the beach and tossed it in his shitbird pool!
Jimmy Davis, Senior: Aspen, CO
Sure, there ain't no sand and surf action in Colorado, but there are assloads of snow bunnies – and we all know what bunnies like to do! High five! But dude, I don't know what I was thinking though when I shotgunned that hipflask of Jäger, then shredded down a triple black diamond while tripping my balls off on shrooms! Lucky for me, four cockaholic hotties back at the lodge took a Sawzall to the crotch of my body cast so they could take turns guzzling my dude spunk!

Yo! Got kick-ass Spring Break stories or pix you'd like to see on Frat Beat? Send 'em in!