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Past Chickenhead Updates
Offended is the New Black
I-Am-Outraged.com: Compose Instant Angst-Drenched Complaints!
Embrace the Global Mega-Fad of Egoistic Sanctimony!
The Devolution Will Be Televised
"I'd Like to Firebomb the Academy..."
Use Chickenhead's rad generator gizmo to write your very own Oscar speech!
Feeling the Love
Every day, a steady stream of gushing fan mail pours into CHICKENHEAD's useful and informative websites. As another year draws to a close, we invite you to view selected highlights from our mail bag. But be advised: prolonged perusing of its contents is discouraged, lest the reader be fatally overwhelmed by warm fuzzies!
Chickenhead to Daily News: Drop Dead
Chickenhead has received a belated holiday greeting from the legal department of the New York Daily News. Read our festive exchange!
| BLACK MAGICK SPELLS & CURSES!
Abandon all hope, ye who enter my wicked evil website! I am Raven, bound concubine of the Dark Prince, and these are my bitchin' spells. Only true practitioners of the black arts (like me or my Satanic apprentice Tommy – who I am NOT dating) should wield these terrible powers. If you try, you risk spending eternity totally being raped with tridents by hell-spawn!
Lactose Infatuated
Experience the tasteful, appealing cow juice advertisements dismissed
as "TOO HOT" by KILLJOY DORKOTRONICS at the U.S. Dairy Association:
Starring Nathaniel as the Milk Man
Directed by Catherine Burns
Edited by Rich Mello
Super Spy-O-Matic!
NEW! Simply enter the name of anyone you find suspicious, and Super Spy-O-Matic instantly cross-references NSA domestic phone, e-mail, travel and banking databases to expose shockingly seditious behavior and attitudes! TRY IT!
DCCC Ad Fallout: Immaculately Groomed Middle-Aged Virgins HATE Chickenhead
In an utterly non-queeny hissyfit of a press release, hunky career eunuch Thomas J. Euteneuer, a rising star of the mild-mannered punditry set, has denounced Chickenhead as "profane" and "the notoriously anti-Christian website."
Joining Father Euteneuer in a breathless orgy of conspicuous outrage, über-conservative tabloid Human Events calls Chickenhead "questionable", Red State opines, "this is outrageous!", and an esteemed blogga-wogga-ding-dong called Let Freedom Ring achieves indignant climax with:
"I just visited the Chickenhead website and had to quickly leave because I found it so disgusting... Shame on Chickenhead for such a vulgar website!"
Unauthorized, Unpaid & Unaffiliated
In September of 2005, fully one month prior to the indictment of porcine ethics posterchild Tom DeLay, Chickenhead produced the original artwork at left to appear on a new line of WHITEHOUSE.ORG merchandise.
Recently, we were astonished to see this artwork featured prominently in a TV advertisement produced by the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. This usage is unauthorized. Chickenhead was not compensated for its use, nor does Chickenhead endorse the contents of said advertisement.
Jerry Falwell: Confirmed Vagitarian
Feeling the Love
Peruse the latest bountiful harvest of ultra-lusty Chickenhead FAN MAIL.
Divine Canine
Chickenhead went all the way to Vietnam to make you a mini-movie about the love of sweet little doggies. Watch It.
Wallpaper Frenzy!
By persistent and whiny demand: two all-new Chickenhead desktops may now be procured via DESKTOP BONANZA.
A Creepy Kind of Love
Kimberly Nerbak, Chickenhead's resident Blondes' Rights Activist, has attracted a charming and emotionally stable suitor. Read His Amorous Correspondence!
Deadeye Dick Cheney's Gun Club
Y'all come on down and visit Chickenhead's latest, hear?
http://www.dickcheneygunclub.com
He Wuvs You Vewy, Vewy Much
"Vawentine's Day is a vewy speciawl day fow me - Iwon Mike Tyson! Each yeaw, I wike to take severawl moments and white weawwy nice wetters to awh the fowks in my wife who awe impowtant to me..."
Cavity-Sweet Nothings
Our Bottom 50 CANDY HEART INSCRIPTIONS!
Uproarious Mirth Alert!
"I RESPECT YOUR OPINION" – The first installment of an all-new, über-literate Chickenhead series...
Dear Santa Letter Generator
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Kids! Too busy to sit down and write an old-fashioned letter to Santa? Have no fear! Chickenhead's handy-dandy interweb doo-dad can do the heavy lifting for you! USE IT! |
Feeling the Love
Peruse months and months of freshly gathered, ultra-lusty Chickenhead FAN MAIL.
BabyReview.com – Now Online!
Chickenhead is inordinately proud to announce the birth of Baby Review – your source for informed, insightful evaluations of recently disgorged humanity. PERUSE IT!
David Addington: Careerist Superstar
Chickenhead would like to formally congratulate its bestest-ever pal, David Addington, on his recent promotion to the role of Vice Presidential Chief of Staff.
His boss is to be commended for selecting the candidate who has demonstrated a tremendous aptitude for the tireless pursuit of mega-important stuff.
INSTANT HALLOWEEN COSTUMES!
Lifelike and terrifying INSTANT HALLOWEEN COSTUMES – straight from your computer's printer! CREATE ONE NOW!
CRONYJOBS.COM – Now Online!
Presented for your careerist approval: lucrative Federal vocations – no experience necessary! GET YOURS NOW!
Toppings for Thy Desk
Be Advised: Two new PC desktops may be obtained HERE.
New Sponsor: ARMY
Today's Public Service Announcement:
New Sponsor: Hysterectomy
Wallpaper Frenzy!
Effective immediately, you may commence the bedecking of computers with whiskey drinkers and succulent molten cheez platters – only from DESKTOP BONANZA.
The Grey Lady Weighs In
The New York Times declares "Dear Dubya" to be a "cheap... condescending... MINOR TRIUMPH!"
Dear Dubya - Extended Through August
So popular was Chickenhead's "Dear Dubya" show back in June, it's been extended for six additional performances. So hauleth thy sumptuous derrière to Brooklyn, cracky!
Feeling the Love Again
Peruse all-new, ultra-lusty Chickenhead FAN MAIL.
Today's Public Service Announcement...
Pimpeth Thy Computee's Viewscreen
In response to incessant nerdly e-mail pestering, six more of Chickenhead's moldy old wallpapers have been restored to DESKTOP BONANZA. Greater love haveth no website.
Revenge of the Blondes
Kimberly Nerbak is well nigh fed up with the shamelessly hairist bigotry passing for amusingness: "Im soooo sick of getting told all these jokes about us blond's. Burnet's is the stopit ones! So heres some really awesome JOKES ABOUT STUPID BURNET BITCH'S!!!!"
"Dear Dubya" - a Chickenhead Thingy
People of Earth: Please consider joining Chickenhead for its firstest-ever theater-flavored extravaganza. » More Info «
New Sponsor: Erectical
"Tupperware Orgy" – Now Playing
Globally despised co-Chickenhead John DeVore, not content to merely scribble a play entitled "Tupperware Orgy," has also coerced humans of actual worth to memorize and perform it in public. Appropriately, today's New York Times denounces "Tupperware Orgy" as "Gore-Splattered!" and "Absurd!"
Masochistic persons may witness this atrocity for a mere $10, through April 30th, at the Brick Theatre — conveniently located in the hipster cesspool that is Willamsburg, Brooklyn.
Sweet Doggies 4 U
Attention Lovers of Canines! Please commence printing hundreds of copies of this attractive sign — painstakingly optimized for smothering every last utility pole in your community with news of a unique opportunity to join the esteemed community of kibble purchasers!
Download your preferred version: Adobe PDF | MS Word
New Sponsor: Condoms
Please be aware that today's cutting-edge prophylactic technologies can effectively minimize unpleasant side effects from certain types of groinal conjoinings.
Feeling the Love
Peruse all-new, ultra-lusty Chickenhead FAN MAIL.
Easter Sponsor: Blood Light
On this solemn day, Chickenhead advises all readers to partake only of appropriately holy libations:
New Sponsor: Swine & Dine
Please help ensure Chickenhead's long-term fiscal health by patronizing our newest sponsor:
Hallucinate on the Cheap
Yes, Chickenhead's ultra-amazing, limited edition Psychedelic Republicans trading cards are now a pupil-dilating 60% cheaper! Procure large quantities of them today – before it's too late!
Feeling the Love
Peruse all-new, ultra-lusty Chickenhead FAN MAIL.
"Iron Hymen" & "Sex is for FAGS!"
So fervently does Chickenhead believe in abstinence-only education, we are proud to launch two thrilling new programs devoted to helping wholesome puberteens everywhere enjoy a chaste and undefiled Valentines Day:
New Sponsor: SATAN'S SHIH-TZU
Coming soon to a mall megaplex near you, it's Chickenhead's debut foray into super-slasher cinema:
Blogga-Wogga-Ding-Dong
Behold! The Absolute Bottom 50 BLOGS!
New Sponsor: Pocket Wombat
Having demanded copious product samples prior to consummating this sponsorship, Chickenhead is proud to attest to this product's quality.
New Sponsor: MAO-MART
Chickenhead is pleased to welcome an all-new sponsor wholly unrelated to any other non-sponsors perhaps or perhaps not mentioned in the post immediately preceeding this one.
The Absolute Bottom 50
In This Installment: Horrid CHILDREN'S BOOKS
Love, American Style
Peruse newly unearthed LOVE LETTERS sent to Chickenhead by gushingly satisfied readers from all across Earth's most wonderful country.
A Splendid New Chickenhead Sponsor: Suckle
Chickenhead Resurrection
Hello. Chickenhead now looks different.
Having spent the past many months wholly fixated on its various and sundry Presidential projects, Chickenhead allowed its own hygiene to suffer. No more. Look for semi-regular updates on this page pointing to assorted newness all across Chickenhead's sprawling kingdom of interweb worthlessness.
In the meantime, you may wish to peruse Chickenhead's retooled archive and Official Schwag Boutique.
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