End of the World Curse

To perform this most evil and wicked of all spells, wait until the next full moon, then climb to the nearest hilltop late at night. If you live somewhere totally flat, you can just get on the roof of a mini-mart instead. At the stroke of midnight, present the Dark Prince with a live, sacrificial goldfish and chant:

LUCIFER!
I invoke thy hallowed and majorly sexy name
Unspoken for millennia
Except by those of us who are down with your scene.
No name can compare to yours
Not even "Lothar" or "Garth"
For yours is the name that will unlock the chains of order
And bring about the Apocalypse.
And make the rivers run red with blood
Like totally thick Kool-Aid
And the moon rupture and explode
Like the poison-filled zits
With which I shall smote my enemies.
And at your right hand I shall crouch
Polishing your beautiful cubic zirconium rings
With my hot and bothered exhalations.
HAIL LUCIFER!
DESTROY THE WORLD!

Swallow the goldfish. and as your nefarious stomach juices devour the sacrifice, prepare yourself for the coming of His Majesty - SATAN! He can take many forms, a giant crab or a tornado of fire, or even a tidal wave of menstrual blood! Congratulations for bringing about the end of the world. That's totally wicked fucking awesome!