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Naughty young morsels MARY-KATE AND ASHLEY OLSEN

THIS WEEK: Naughty young morsels MARY-KATEANDASHLEY, known to most Americans as the deliciously precocious "Olsen Twins", recently sat down with Star Talk host HUMBERT HUMBERT to dish about the price of fame, the creative process, and the elusive nature of Man.

HUMBERT HUMBERT: It's very nice to finally meet such a talented, tight-bodied pair of nymphets such as yourselves.

MARY-KATEANDASHLEY: We're pleased to meet you!

HUMBERT HUMBERT: Cognac?

MARY-KATEANDASHLEY: Sure!

HUMBERT HUMBERT: I suppose the first logical question is… which of you is the rambunctious Ashley?

MARY-KATEANDASHLEY: She is!

HUMBERT HUMBERT: I see. But I suppose your parents don't have any trouble telling you two budding flowers apart?

MARY-KATEANDASHLEY: They stopped trying.

HUMBERT HUMBERT: Well, Mary-Kate, what do you think sets you apart from Ashley?

MARY-KATEANDASHLEY: She's the cute one and she's the smart one. But not, like, nerd smart. No way! Totally Oprah smart.

HUMBERT HUMBERT: I've been leafing through the latest issue of your magazine, MARY-KATEANDASHLEY, and it's terrific. Just a real honest, relevant magazine - like something a teenage George Plimpton or Tina Brown might have produced. Have you ever thought of adding a centerfold? Perhaps a pictorial narrative documenting your slow, wet, bikini-clad roll down the sloping hood of a turbo-charged Camaro?

MARY-KATEANDASHLEY: Silly goose! Our contract with MAXIM Magazine precludes us from doing that... yet. BUT WE WILL!

HUMBERT HUMBERT: I see. Well, men across the nation heave a collective sigh of frustration.
 
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